every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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