She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i think my cat just said my name.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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