If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
