Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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