Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
