Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
