Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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