No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
