so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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