he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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