I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
