Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize