with your own penis?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
