I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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