I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
