Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
