got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
