none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
