I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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