There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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