Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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