i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
