Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
