I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pants are for mortals
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
