but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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