My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
