i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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