At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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