It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
