how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
