Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
