I hate all girls vehemently.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
