What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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