In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
