Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
