put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
