youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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