She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
