it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
