All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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