The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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