I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
