you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
