if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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