Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
