i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
