So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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