i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
