Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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