I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
