I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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