I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
