I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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