My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Congratulations! We have a period
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think i got beer on your cat.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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